


You Came Smiling Softly, Shyly Moving, Into My World

by whispered_story



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Drunken Confessions, First Time, Light Angst, M/M, Mentions of Jared/Sandy, non-au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-24
Updated: 2017-04-24
Packaged: 2018-10-23 13:35:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10720347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whispered_story/pseuds/whispered_story
Summary: Jensen wants more — wants to know what Jared tastes like in the morning, and after he's had his first cup of coffee of the day, and between takes, sheltered away in their trailers. He wants to explore Jared's body with his hands and mouth, get him to make every sweet noise there is; he wants to be inside him and all around him, until he's everywhere.





	You Came Smiling Softly, Shyly Moving, Into My World

**Author's Note:**

> beta'd by [dancing_adrift](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dancing_Adrift) ♥
> 
> Title taken from Kris Kristofferson's "I've Got to Have You".

Consciousness comes slowly.

A noise from the street mingles with Jensen's dreams, slowly drawing him awake. The sun shines onto his face, warm and bright even through his closed eyelids. A bird chirps by the window. There's an insistent pain in his head, a steady pounding that spikes with each breath he draws in then ebbs away again.

Jensen sighs. He shifts, his knee nudging against a leg.

He opens his eyes and finds himself face to face with another person. A familiar person.

Jared looks innocent, asleep. His hair is falling into his face, dark lashes fanning against his skin, and his mouth is parted a little, lips a soft pink.

Jensen kissed those lips. 

He knows what Jared tastes like after a night out now, will forever remember it. The sharpness of whiskey mingled with the sweetness of candy. 

It makes Jensen's chest hurt along with his head. Not in a bad way, but not an entirely good way either.

He wanted this. Wanted Jared. For longer than he cared to admit even to himself. And last night had been amazing.

He kissed and bit at that mouth until Jared's lips were spit-slick and red, always chasing Jensen's for more. He buried his hands in those soft strands of hair, twisting them between his fingers as their bodies moved together, grinding and rutting, too turned on to go slow, to find a rhythm. He touched that tan, smooth skin, left a bite mark on Jared's shoulder and another on his chest, gripped that perfect ass in his hands while he brought them both to completion. He now knows the noises Jared makes when he's turned on, when he comes. He's elicited them, kissed them from Jared's mouth and buried them deep inside of his own body.

And he knows he's already addicted. He had one taste and he wants more. Wants everything.

Usually, Jensen is out the door before the sun has even fully risen and his partners have woken up. He has no patience for morning afters. He rarely wants more than a night of fun. Especially in these past few years — and the reason for that is sleeping next to him, is baring his marks on his body now. 

This is all he's wanted for a long time. His entire life, even though he's only known Jared for just under three years. 

He remembers meeting Jared for the first time at the audition, and the way it felt like things just slotted into place. Like, _'Oh hey, there you are. I've been waiting for you my entire life.'_

And now Jensen has him. It's scary. Scary because Jared isn't just another notch in his bedpost. 

Jensen aches for him. He's ached for a long time, and he's still aching now, too. He wants more — wants to know what Jared tastes like in the morning, and after he's had his first cup of coffee of the day, and between takes, sheltered away in their trailers. He wants to explore Jared's body with his hands and mouth, get him to make every sweet noise there is; he wants to be inside him and all around him, until he's everywhere.

Jensen rubs at his chest, like he can make the hollowness he feels there go away, and rolls out of bed. He keeps his steps light, quietly gathers his clothes and steps out of the room. 

He doesn't leave, though. 

Jared isn't the kind of person you leave.

+

Jared pads into the kitchen while Jensen is pouring himself the third cup of coffee of the day.

He's walked the dogs, cleaned Jared's kitchen, and fixed the one cabinet above the sink that never quite closed properly. It's been driving him crazy for a while. 

And he couldn't just sit around and wait. Wait for Jared to wake up because he couldn't leave. Wait so they could have their awkward morning after and pray this wouldn't ruin everything.

Jared looks... like Jared, yet different. He's the same guy Jensen has known for a few years. Same messy hair, same slanted eyes, same dimples. But now looking at him comes with a flood of memories. Things Jensen now knows and it makes him feel a little guilty. It feels wrong to look at Jared and remember those lips on his neck, those hands grabbing his hips, that body arching up against them. 

They weren't supposed to be his memories. 

Unlike Jensen, Jared doesn't sleep around, doesn't get drunk and hook up with people. But he did with Jensen, and Jensen feels guilty for taking that from Jared, for playing his part in this whole thing.

Jared stands in the doorway for a moment, looking back at him with an unreadable expression. Then he ducks his face down, hair falling into his eyes, and Jensen watches his Adam's apple bob as he swallows.

"Any coffee left?" he asks. 

He looks like Jared, but he doesn't sound like Jared. Not really. He's quieter. Subdued. 

And Jensen did this, caused this.

_You'll always be my best friend. Nothing will ever change that. We can have this, it's okay._

Jensen said those words last night, breathed them over Jared's mouth, right before their second kiss. The first one, drunk and sloppy, came out of the blue. It just happened. One moment they were pushing and nudging each other, laughing and slurring words while stumbling into Jared's house, the next Jensen had backed Jared up against the wall and was kissing him like it was all that mattered in the world.

It was, in that moment. 

And now, Jensen feels like he's looking at the shambles of what one moment of carelessness brought him. Drunk, wanting, he'd been so convinced it wasn't a bad idea. Had convinced Jared, too, though it hadn't taken a lot. 

And fuck, he made Jared _cheat_. Jared, who is so damn good and sweet and would never ever want to hurt someone. Jared, who is devoted to his relationship, his girlfriend, and Jensen couldn't have cared less about any of that last night.

All for one night. One night of having Jared under him, naked and writhing, giving himself to Jensen and the pleasure Jensen could bring him. And it had been beautiful. Intoxicating.

But now, looking at Jared, it doesn't feel like it was worth it. Not when it makes Jared look like this: unsure, worried. God. He is _so worried_ , Jensen can tell. Because he knows Jared better than anyone, knows the way he thinks and feels.

Jensen straightens up, pastes on a smile. "Sure, I'll pour you a cup," he says, with fake lightness. Because he can't have Jared looking like that.

"You want some breakfast too? We can see if we can find something to watch on TV," he suggests, even though he wants nothing more than to leave, to get out, away. To hide and pretend he didn't potentially ruin the best thing in his life because he was thinking with his dick.

Jared peers at him, silent for an endless moment, but then he nods. "Yeah. Yeah, okay."

+

Jared falls asleep on the couch, head tilted at an awkward angle.

Jensen turns the volume on the TV down, but doesn't turn it off completely. The noise in the background helps Jared sleep. He covers him with a throw blanket and then, carefully, brushes a kiss against Jared's temple. 

It feels like a final kiss. 

It's not even a real one, but Jensen got his share of kisses from Jared last night. It has to last him a lifetime. In fact, he got more than he ever thought he would, more than he probably deserves.

"Nothing will change," he whispers to Jared.

He putters around the house after that. Cleans their dishes, straightens the shoes and coats amassing in Jared's hallway, waters all his plants, washes the window because Jared never does and he always forgets to ask his cleaning lady to do it.

By the time Jared wakes up for the second time, Jensen is almost glad he can say he has to get going — he has laundry to do and groceries to buy and bills to pay. It's not a lie. He still feels guilty about it for the rest of the day.

+

Work is almost like before.

Anyone else would probably look at them and not think anything is amiss.

But Jensen notices. He notices the way Jared's smile comes a little less quickly, is a bit dimmer. His laugh is quieter, not forced but not as easy as it used to be. He sees the second of hesitation in Jared before he touches Jensen now, like he isn't sure he's allowed to. 

Jared's careful now. 

Jensen wishes he could read Jared's thoughts, so he would know what's going on in that beautiful head of his and fix it. But another part of him is terrified of ever finding out the reason for Jared's change in behavior. Because what if it's not just general post-'we hooked up while we were drunk' awkwardness? What if Jared just doesn't want to send Jensen the wrong signals? What if Jared, who always claimed that he's not totally straight but "bendy, Jensen. I'm bendy", is not okay with the whole dick-touching-dick thing anymore? Jensen doesn't know if Jared has ever hooked up with another guy, never asked because there has always been Sandy and it seemed like such a moot point to wonder because Jared was so completely unavailable. It could have been the first time he actually did anything with a guy and he wouldn't be the first who freaked out afterward. 

Jensen had one guy walk out on him after a drunk hook-up and tell him homosexuality was gross and wrong and Jensen was going to hell. Jensen laughed it off, back then, but the thought of Jared being disgusted by what they did? That makes his heart ache, his entire body ache, because it was the single most meaningful sex he'd ever had. He's had flings and one-night stands and boyfriends, but nobody mattered the way Jared does. Nobody made him feel that desperate, that out of control, that head over heels in love.

And what if this awkwardness doesn't fade? If they never go back to the way things were before?

Then Jensen will have to live the rest of his life knowing he fucked this up. Fucked up the best thing that ever happened to him in his life.

Jared played his part in it, too, but it's different. He does stupid things sometimes. Acts and talks before he thinks things through. Jensen is the one who is supposed to stop him, to protect him. To take him by the hand and guide him in the right direction if Jared ever strays from the path, not lead him right down the wrong one.

And now he's paying for it. God, is he paying for it.

Because the changes might be subtle, but to Jensen it feels like everything is different now. 

And the worst thing is that he still wants. He still looks at Jared and wants to feel that mouth against his again, wants to lick all those sweet noises he now knows Jared can make out of his mouth. Wants to touch and feel and do everything until he knows every single inch of Jared's body. He wants to spread him out and take Jared apart and then slide into him and make him whole again.

Jared's hesitant smiles and careful touches, the wrongness of it all, it doesn't deter him from wanting one bit. And he feels sick for it, twisted.

+

They always spend their weekends together if they're both in Vancouver. Jared goes back to L.A. regularly to spend time with Sandy, but lately he hasn't and Jensen hasn't asked why, too happy to have Jared there to care. And Jensen hasn't had a reason to leave Vancouver either, what with Jared being right there.

But this Friday night, when they finally wrap late in the night, Jared leaves with a mumbled, "See you on Monday, Jen."

He ducks his head, the way he's been doing all week, gives Jensen a small smile that mostly just looks sad and Jensen wants to punch something. Himself, preferably.

He goes back to his apartment and he's dead tired, but he can't sleep. He cracks open a bottle of whiskey and sits by the window, watching the sky go from dark to murky blue and pink, and feels sorry for himself.

+

Saturday is hell.

Saturday is hours of thinking about Jared. About what he's doing, what he's thinking. If they'll ever go back to how things used to be, when Saturdays meant hanging out and having a few drinks and dinner together and movies that they abandoned halfway through to talk about anything and everything.

Jensen makes it until shortly before 9pm before he grabs his keys.

Six days without Jared, _his_ Jared, and Jensen has reached his breaking point.

+

"Jensen," Jared says when he opens the door. Just the one word, but Jensen can smell the whiskey on his breath and see how red Jared's eyes are, and his heart breaks all over again. For both of them.

"Let me come in," he says.

Jared pauses for one second, one second that feels way too long, but then he gives a slightly wobbly nod. His hand is clutching the edge of the door as he steps aside.

"How much have you had?" Jensen asks when the door shuts behind him. It's not accusatory, just worried. He reaches out, hesitates the way Jared has done all week and he hates it, and then brushes Jared's hair back carefully, fingers touching Jared's cheek briefly.

Jared sucks his lower lip into his mouth, teeth grazing flesh, and shrugs. 

And then he looks at Jensen, straight at Jensen, and a tear slides from the corner of his eye. Two. Three. Jensen watches, helpless for a few moments, until Jared makes a sound, a bitten back, painful sob.

"Oh sweetheart," Jensen murmurs and pulls Jared into his arms. The term of endearment just slips out, because that's what Jared does to him. Makes him want want to protect, to soothe, to say endless sweet things until everything is right in Jared's world. Even when he's the one who fucked it up.

Jared hides his face in Jensen's neck. There isn't another sob, just gasped breaths and hot wetness against Jensen's skin. 

Jensen cups Jared's neck, smoothes his thumb over his nape, and tugs Jared tightly against him with his free arm.

"It's okay," he says gently and hears Jared exhale against his shoulder. "Come on, let's go sit down, huh?"

Jared nods, but he doesn't pull away for a few more moments, and Jensen hates that Jared is upset, but it feels like a step in the right direction. 

Jared is a little unsteady, and Jensen cups his elbow as he leads him into the living-room, wondering just how much Jared has had. He pictures it, Jared alone in his house, drinking and feeling miserable, and just the thought hurts.

He sits down next to Jared, curls his hand gently around his wrist when he sees Jared starting to reach for the glass with amber liquid sitting on the coffee table.

"No more, Jay," he says quietly.

"Why?" Jared asks and gives a humorless laugh. "I'm already a fuck-up. Might as well add drinking to the list."

"Who says you're a fuck-up, huh?" Jensen asks gently and Jared cuts him a pointed glance. "I'm the one who messed up, Jared. I shouldn't have."

"No, it was me," Jared says and shakes his head. "I do that. I mess things up. I get in too deep and then I fuck everything good in my life up. Sandy. You. I'm an _idiot_."

"Nothing's messed up between us," Jensen says, and he wants to believe it so badly he feels it deep in his bones. He reaches out, cards his fingers through Jared's hair, pretends he's doing it to brush it out of Jared's face and not because he wants to, needs to, touch.

"No?"

"No. I'm right here, aren't I?" Jensen asks and shifts closer to Jared. "And Sandy..."

He trails off, not sure what to say. He's the one who messed them up, who came on to Jared and kissed him even though he knew he was off-limits.

"We broke up," Jared says and when he reaches for the glass again, Jensen lets him. Is too surprised by the revelation to do anything to stop Jared.

"Because of—" Jensen starts and waves his hand between them. 

Jared swallows his drink and shrugs. "We broke up a couple of weeks ago," he says, voice rougher now.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Jensen asks, and tries not to be hurt by it. Jared doesn't need to tell him everything. Except, Jensen thought he did. 

Jared looks down at his glass. "Didn't know how."

"Why not?"

Jared looks at him, then casts his eyes down again. His lower lip wobbles a little, shoulders tensing up. "Was my fault. I messed it all up. She was so great, so amazing, and I ruined it," he says. "'Cause I'm in love with you. And then I went and got drunk, and ruined things with you, too. See, Jensen? I'm a fuck-up."

And that's. That's something. That's the last thing Jensen expected to hear, even though his heart has been aching to hear those words. To have Jared feel that way. And it's all wrong, because it's not the happy moment Jensen has dreamed of. Jared's beating himself up over this, when that's the very last thing he should be doing.

"Jared," Jensen starts.

"Why couldn't I be satisfied with what I had? Why couldn't I just be happy?" Jared interrupts, looking at Jensen like he's actually seeking an answer. Begging for one. "Why couldn't I just love Sandy and give her the life she wanted and be okay with you just being my friend."

Jensen slides his hand to the back of Jared's neck and tugs him close, rests their foreheads together. "Baby, you can't control who you have feelings for. That's not how it works."

"Why not?" Jared asks, and he sounds so small. So lost.

And Jensen has asked himself that so many times. Why he had to go fall for Jared of all people, the one person who seemed so unattainable. Except now he isn't. 

Jensen closes his eyes and slowly, carefully brushes their lips together. It's not a kiss, just a ghost of one.

"Jensen?"

"We don't have to," Jensen says. But god, he wants to. Hopes, prays Jared will want to. Will want him. 

"You're not in love with me," Jared says. Firmly. Utterly convinced.

Jensen laughs. "Sweetheart, I'm so in love with you it fucking hurts."

Jared pulls back and he looks like he's about to cry again, eyes all wide and wet. And makes Jensen remember that Jared is drunk, that this isn't what they should be doing, should be deciding, when Jared isn't completely sober and clear-headed.

"No, you're not," Jared says, but he sounds unsure. Hopeful.

Jensen smiles. "I am. Completely. Irrevocably," he says. 

The thing about Jared is that he's all long limbs and broad shoulders and not completely in control of his body sometimes, but he's damn fast. Jensen feels like he barely blinked before Jared is suddenly on him, arms wrapped around his neck, tugging, pulling as he presses their lips together in a kiss. It's uncoordinated, a little sloppy, but Jensen still can't remember ever having shared a better kiss with anyone — other than Jared the previous week — because it's _Jared_.

He lets it happen for a few moments, cups Jared's cheek and kisses him back, slows it down until it's a bit more chaste, sweet. And then he draws back regretfully.

"You're drunk, sweetheart," he says.

"Sweetheart," Jared echoes and he sounds so wondrous. 

"You better get used to it," Jensen teases and brushes his hand over Jared's cheek.

"Jensen," Jared says and he leans in, angling for another kiss. Jensen holds him back with his free hand, putting it on Jared's shoulder.

"Tomorrow, okay?" he says. "You're drunk and I already did more than I should have."

"But," Jared starts. Jensen gives in and gives him a quick, soft kiss.

"Tomorrow," he repeats. "I'll get you some water and something to eat now, and then you'll get some sleep and we'll talk tomorrow."

"Will you stay?" Jared asks.

"Yeah," Jensen says and nods.

"In my bed?"

Jensen shouldn't. He really, really shouldn't. But Jared gives him one of those looks, the one he always uses on Jensen when he wants something. All hopeful, pleading eyes and pursed lips, and Jensen is _weak_.

"Yeah, in your bed," he agrees, and hopes Jared passes out quickly, before Jensen will give in to anything he'll regret the next day.

+

Jensen wakes up in bed next to Jared for the second time in a week, but this time he just smiles when he sees Jared next to him.

Jared is still fast asleep, half of his face mashed into the pillows. His mouth is parted a little and he's still snoring softly. 

Jensen pulls the sheets higher around him and just watches, takes it all in. _His_. And yeah, they need to talk about this, figure things out and Jared just broke up with his long-term girlfriend, too. But he's been Jensen's since day one, and now he's just... even more Jensen's.

Jensen smiles and nudges his foot against Jared's under the comforter, feeling content in a way he hasn't in a while. Like that missing piece finally fell into place and Jensen didn't even realize how incomplete his life was until this very moment, when he's exactly where he's been wanting to be for a long time and it feels so much more right than he could ever even have imagined.

Jared wakes up not too soon after, and Jensen takes that in, too. The way Jared's eyelids flutter and he scrunches up his nose as he yawns, and then blinks at Jensen. There's a moment of confusion before his face clears, and he smiles.

"Jensen," he murmurs.

"Morning, gorgeous," Jensen says, and god, he's sappy. But Jared is gorgeous. Jared is like a fucking wet dream and yet like the sweet, cute guy you can take home to meet your momma. 

Jared's smile gets wider. "Good morning. _The best_ morning," he says. He sounds like Jared again: happy, light.

Jensen laughs quietly. "Yeah?" he asks. "No headache then?"

"Oh no, I do have a headache," Jared says and scrunches up his face in a grimace. "I just don't fucking care."

"No?" Jensen asks, and when Jared shakes his head, it's too damn much. He can't wait another moment. He cups Jared's face with one hand and leans in.

"Morning breath," Jared warns, but that doesn't deter Jensen one bit. He kisses Jared, coaxes his lips apart slowly and languidly licks his way into Jared's mouth. It's hot and wet and yeah, not the best taste in the world, but it's still good. It's still everything Jensen wants.

Jared is the one to draw back first, looking a little flustered. "I should really go brush my teeth," he says. "Tastes like something died in there."

"It does," Jensen agrees with a laugh, and Jared sticks out his tongue as his cheeks color. "But you don't have to. I don't mind."

"Well, I do," Jared says. "I think I should pop a couple of painkillers, too."

"Okay. You go then," Jensen says, because while he doesn't mind kissing Jared like this, he doesn't want him to be in pain. 

Jared gets out of bed, stretching and letting out a groan. "I'm never drinking again," he mumbles.

"You always say that," Jensen says and smiles to himself when Jared huffs, already half-way to the bathroom. He rolls over onto his stomach, waiting for Jared to return.

It takes a few minutes. He didn't close the door all the way, so Jensen listens to him relieve himself then brush his teeth. There's some clattering and Jared curses and Jensen grins, feeling a rush of fondness for Jared.

When Jared comes out of the bathroom, Jensen flips onto his back again and watches Jared approach. His hair, messy and sticking out before, has clearly been combed in an attempt to tame it and there's a tiny bit of white foam in the corner of Jared's mouth. 

Jensen holds the comforter up for Jared to slide under and then pulls him close, presses their mouths together and tastes the minty toothpaste on Jared's lips. This is what mornings should always be like: waking up in bed with Jared, making out lazily and in no hurry to go anywhere, do anything other than this.

+

They have to get up and let the dogs out eventually. Standing on Jared's porch in nothing but sweats and watching Sadie and Harley race around the backyard, Jensen wraps his arms around Jared from behind and kisses his bare shoulder.

"So. I don't really know how to ask this," he starts, " but you and Sandy, that's really over?"

"Yeah," Jared says with a sigh.

"I'm sorry."

Jared snorts. "Don't be. I was being a dick, staying with her these past few months even though I knew it was you I really wanted to be with," he says and scuffs his foot against the floor. 

"When you got engaged..."

"Yeah."

"Shit, Jay," Jensen murmurs, and he truly feels bad. 

"Told you I'm a fuck-up," Jared says. 

Jensen sighs and nudges Jared until he turns around. He takes Jared's face in his hands. "You're not a fuck-up, baby," he says. "You made mistakes, but I know you truly did love her."

"Not enough."

"It happens."

Jared doesn't look quite convinced, mouth turned down. "I shouldn't have asked her to marry me," he admits. "I just always thought it was where we were headed. And I wanted us to for a long time. And when I realized I had feelings for you, I got scared. I thought... I thought maybe I could fix things if I asked her to be my wife, that things would be okay between us if I just tried harder, invested more in us."

"Jared," Jensen says softly. "I'm sorry."

"I wanted to want a future with her. Because I didn't think I could have one with you, and that's so fucking selfish of me," Jared says. "It's just... things got messed up in my head. I was so confused and worried and being with Sandy was so normal. Not scary, you know? It was always so easy with Sandy, so effortless. And with you... the things I feel for you, they scare me sometimes. Like, it's almost too much."

"Yeah," Jensen says, and he knows exactly what Jared means. He thought he'd been in love before, but it's never been like this. Never been a need and want this intense; he's never been so devoted, so completely enthralled by another person. 

"You still wanna be with me, knowing all of this?" Jared asks. He sounds and looks young then. Worried.

Jensen leans up and kisses him. "Always," he says, and really means it. There's not a single thing in the world Jared could tell him, could do, that would make Jensen not want this. Want him.

Maybe he's a little messed up as well.

+

They go back to bed after, leaving the dogs in the kitchen with bowls of kibble and fresh water.

Pressed together under the rumpled sheets, Jensen kisses Jared. Kisses him all slow and sweet and then rolls him onto his back and spreads him out under him the way he's been dreaming of for so long.

"You wanna?" he asks, and Jared nods eagerly, arches up into Jensen's hands.

Jensen takes it slow, takes his time to explore Jared's body with his hands and mouth, trying to memorize every last piece of him. He's seen Jared half-naked countless times, completely naked a handful of times too, but this is different. This is Jared under him, all wanton and needy just for Jensen.

Jensen kisses down the side of his neck, his shoulder, bites as his collarbone and then moves lower. He flicks his tongue over Jared's right nipple, feels it harden, strokes his hands down his belly and then follows the path with his mouth. All the while he listens carefully to the gasps and moans spilling from Jared's lips, encouraging him, letting him know just how much Jared likes this.

He takes Jared's sweats off, sits back a little and watches his hands work the fabric down, revealing more and more skin. Jared is beautiful. All long limbs and strong muscles, his skin smooth and tan. And his cock. It's thick and long, hard, nestled in dark curls, his balls heavy, and Jensen has never wanted to suck a dick so damn much in his life. Some day soon, Jensen is going to take his time with it, suck Jared off and see how many times he can make him come with just his mouth. Until Jared is spent and boneless and all Jensen can taste is Jared.

For now, Jensen leans down and licks over the head, lets him have a small taste of Jared and wraps his hands around Jared, stroking him slowly a few times and then letting him go again. He palms Jared's hips, presses a series of kisses to Jared's soft belly, just under his navel and then bites at the skin there, chin bumping against Jared's dick.

"Jensen!" Jared cries out and arches up, and Jensen stores that information away carefully. Grinning against Jared's skin, he sucks at the spot he just bit, until he knows he's left a bruise there. Marked Jared.

"Stop teasing," Jared complains, and he sounds so beautifully breathless, turned on.

"Yeah? What do you want then, baby?" Jensen asks. He lifts his head, peering up at Jared and watches his face color, his cheeks soon stained pink. "Jared?"

"I... can you... you know, fuck me?" Jared asks, words stuttered.

"You ever done this before with a guy?"

Jared gives him a sheepish look and shakes his head. "I... I've fooled around with a few guys, but only at parties. I've mostly been with girls," he says and then, more quietly, "Sorry."

"Hey. There's nothing wrong with that," Jensen says softly and crawls back up Jared's body. Settling between Jared's splayed legs, their cocks rubbing together through the thin layer of Jensen's sweat pants, Jensen can't help but rock down against Jared once. 

He rests a hand on Jared's cheek and brushes their lips together. "You really sure about this?"

"Yes," Jared murmurs, and Jensen nods.

"You can change your mind any time."

Jared laughs softly. "I know, okay? I'm not fragile or anything, Jensen, I'm good. I'm sure," he says more firmly. "I want you inside of me, okay?"

"Okay," Jensen says, and fuck, those words. They make his insides twist in the best way possible and he's so hard, so damn aroused. 

For Jared's sake, though, he tries to calm down, to stay in control. "You got some lube?" he asks and kisses Jared's jaw, his cheek.

Jared nods. "Nightstand," he says. Jensen pecks him on the lips and then reaches for the drawer. He has to root around a little to find it, and he pulls out an opened box of condoms too, dropping it on the pillow next to Jared's head.

"You ever had anything inside of you? A toy, fingers?" he asks, shifting so he isn't squishing Jared too much. He looks down at Jared and he hopes he never loses the ability to make Jared blush, because it's a beautiful sight. He looks almost shy, his cheeks all red, yet so turned on, so tempting with his lips all red and bruised from kissing, his pupils dilated. 

"Just fingers," Jared says. "Mine."

"Fuck, that's hot," Jensen murmurs and the picture that comes to him, the image of Jared spread out in his bed, fingering himself, makes his heart race in his chest. 

"Yeah?"

"Oh fuck yeah," Jensen breathes out and draws Jared up into a kiss, tries to pour in all the things he's feeling at the moment that Jared still seems to have a hard time wrapping his head around. How much he gets to Jensen, how twisted up he has him. 

He kisses Jared, pressing down against him, and they both moan. He keeps it up, grinds against Jared all slow and dirty until his head is spinning and it's not enough, and Jared is clawing at his back and arching up into him, rubbing himself against Jensen.

Jensen fumbles with the lube and pops it open. 

The position isn't the best, not the most comfortable for Jared, but Jensen needs to be able to see his face while he does this. Needs Jared to be able to see him, too.

Jensen nuzzles Jared's neck, kisses his pulse point as he slides slicked-up fingers between Jared's cheeks. He presses in slowly, just one finger at first and listens to Jared gasp. 

"Fuck," Jared says, all low and breathy.

"Good?"

"Y—yeah."

Jensen smiles against Jared's neck and pumps his finger in and out a few times, while letting his teeth scrape over Jared's skin there in a ghost of a bite — next hiatus, he promises himself, he's going to mark Jared up all over, leave bites and hickeys all over that gorgeous body of his.

He checks with Jared, asks if he can take more, before he slides the second finger in. Jared takes it easily, pushing back down on it, legs splayed wide. Eager. So fucking eager.

The third finger takes a bit of work, a bit more lube. 

"Only ever done two," Jared admits, panting, and Jensen kisses him, gently works him open until Jared takes all three fingers without a problem. 

Each brush against his prostate has him shuddering, making little turned-on noises, and Jensen doesn't think he's ever been with someone so responsive. So heart-breakingly turned on by what Jensen does to him.

Biting down on his lip, Jensen nuzzles Jared's cheek and rubs his fingers against Jared's prostate again, more intent now. Jared lets out a broken cry.

"Want—want more, Jensen," he _begs_ , and oh god, Jensen loves him. Loves him beyond the shadow of a doubt.

"Okay. Okay," he murmurs. He kisses Jared's cheek, the corner of his mouth, and pulls his fingers out. 

The front of his thin sweatpants is soaked with precome, clinging to his cock, and Jensen quickly pushes down, kicking them off. He sits back to roll the condom down himself and lube himself up, the sheets pooling around their legs, and the little noises Jared makes when he sees him makes him want to puff out his chest and strut around like a damn animal. 

"How—how do you want me?" Jared asks.

"Is like this okay? On your hands and knees would be easier for you..." Jensen says, and Jared shakes his head.

"No. No, like this," he agrees and Jensen smiles at him.

"I'll take good care of you, Jay, don't worry," he promises. He shifts so he's kneeling more comfortably between Jared's legs and curls his hand around one of Jared's thighs, nudging it up. Jared bites down on his lower lip and wraps both his legs around Jensen.

"Good," Jensen murmurs. He leans over Jared, kisses him, and then holds himself up with one hand on the pillow. With the other, he positions himself until he's nudged his cock between Jared's cheek, pressing up against his hole.

"Take a breath for me," he instructs. Jared nods and does. When he exhales, slow and relaxed, Jensen starts pushing in.

It's overwhelming. Tight heat wraps around the tip of his cock and Jared clenches up, almost painfully so.

"Breathe. Baby, breathe," Jensen murmurs, sounding a little choked off, because he's fucking inside of Jared. _His Jared._

He tries to hold still and watches Jared's face, waits until his expression smoothes out. 

"Okay," Jared whispers, and Jensen pushes in a little deeper.

Jared's hands come up, gripping his arms, holding on so tightly he'll probably leave finger-shaped bruises on Jensen's arms. Jensen doesn't care. 

He works himself into Jared's body slowly, inch by inch, giving Jared moments to adjust, to get used to the feeling. He tries to focus on that, on Jared and his comfort. It's only when he's all the way in, hips pressed up flushed against Jared, that he lets himself really feel it, and how amazing this is. Jared is so amazingly tight around him, gripping him so perfectly. Like he was made for this, for Jensen. 

"You feel so good," Jensen hushes, and leans down. He peppers kisses over Jared's face, his heart beating wildly in his chest. Nothing has ever felt this good, he thinks, this intense. 

Jared lets out a soft laugh. "Move, okay?" he murmurs. "Wanna feel you."

"Fuck. Okay," Jensen says and he presses their lips together in one more kiss, before he starts moving. He only pulls out a couple of inches at first, pressing back in slowly, waiting to see how Jared reacts. Judging by the way Jared's breath hitches, hips lifting up a little, Jensen assumes he's doing okay, so his thrusts get a little bolder, deeper.

And god, it's good. It's so damn good. It has Jensen's spinning with pleasure, has him wanting to give up all control and just lose himself in this. In Jared. But he tries to take it slow, because it's Jared's first time with a guy, and even though Jensen wants to bury himself in his body, until he's not sure they're two separate people anymore, he wants to make this good for Jared even more. 

He rolls his hips, thrusts into Jared and makes sure to hit his prostate, to make Jared feel how damn good this can be. And if he thought Jared was responsive before, it's nothing to how he is now. Head thrown back on the pillow, eyes clenched shut, he's making the sweetest noises. Moans and gasps and little cries, and Jensen's name over and over again. His back arches and his legs tighten around Jensen like he's trying to draw him in deeper, and Jensen is pretty sure he's found heaven.

"Sweetheart," he murmurs as he grinds into him, "Sweetheart. Fuck, you're so incredible."

He kisses Jared before he can say more, say something he'll regret because it's too soon and it's Jared, it's _them_ , but he should wait at least a few more days, say it when he's not buried balls deep in Jared. Say it when they're sharing kisses sour with morning breath, or when Jared is making him eat his god-awful cooking, or when Jared is singing along way too loudly and off-key to some song Jensen probably hates. He'll say it then, tell Jared that he loves him. Completely. Forever.

Now — now is all about this. About the pleasure they can find in each other, the way Jared feels around him, the way he feels inside of Jared. The way their bodies are moving together, a little faster, a little more desperate with each moment that passes, their moans getting a little more needy, breathless. It's like a wave that rises higher and higher, until it topples over, crashes.

Jared comes first, spilling between their bellies, keening into Jensen's kiss. Jensen follows soon with a low groan, hips stuttering and chest heaving.

This? This is what every Sunday morning should be like from now on.

+

"You order pineapple on my pizza and I will kill you," Jared says, face buried in Jensen's neck. Jensen stops scrolling through Jared's cell to find the number for their favorite pizza place that he has saved.

The TV is on, but Jensen wouldn't be able to tell you what is on. He's spent the last thirty minutes pinned into the couch by Jared's weight, getting lost in Jared's kisses. He'd felt like a teenager again, making-out in a way that was almost chaste yet incredibly thrilling. His hands had mostly stayed above Jared's waist, hidden under Jared's hoodie as he stroked his back lazily, only venturing lower to grope Jared's ass a little a few times. With Jared, kissing turns out to be better, more satisfying, than some of the sex Jensen has had over the years.

They'd only stopped when Jared's stomach had growled loudly, demanding to be fed.

Jensen grins, remembering the one time he'd ordered pizza with pineapple as a joke and how Jared had sulked and refused to talk to him until Jensen got him another pizza. 

He turns his head, nose brushing against Jared's hair, and kisses the shell of his ear, tightening the arm he has wrapped securely around Jared. "Makes your come taste better," he murmurs.

He feels Jared exhale against his throat, his body shifting, hips pressing against Jensen's for a split moment before he relaxes again. He doesn't lift his head though.

"My come tastes fine," he says.

And yeah, yeah, it does. Jensen had the pleasure of finding that out earlier. 

He hums. "It could taste even better," he says and goes back to scrolling down Jared's saved contacts until he finds the pizza place.

"You'd get addicted," Jared says. 

"I think I already am," Jensen replies and feels Jared turn his head as he presses the call button on the screen. 

"Extra cheese," Jared whispers, pressing his nose to Jensen's jaw. "And extra sauce."

Jensen smiles and nods dutifully, as if he doesn't know Jared's exact order for every goddamn place in the city that they like. 

He places their order and adds some garlic bread.

After hanging up, he tosses Jared's phone aside and then shifts, pulling Jared up higher so he can brush their lips together. "Forty-five minutes," he says. "Wanna continue what we were doing before and make good use of our time before we eat a shit-ton of garlic and reek."

He kisses Jared, but a hand on his chest stops him.

"Wait, you're not gonna kiss me after I had garlic?" Jared asks. 

Jensen snickers and pecks Jared, steals a couple of kisses before Jared starts squirming against him, obviously waiting for an answer. "Babe, I'm always gonna kiss you," he says.

"Yeah? I bet I can find something that makes you not want to kiss me. What if I ate green beans?" Jared asks. "Or fennel. Dude, you _hate_ fennel."

"Jay," Jensen says, shifting them until Jared's back against the back of the couch, their bodies pressed together. "Know what I'm gonna do later?"

"What?" Jared asks, sounding confused. Jensen brushes their noses together, drops a kiss to Jared's parted lips.

"I'm gonna take you to bed and eat you out until you're all wet and loose for me," Jensen murmurs. "Believe me, there's not a single thing you can put in your mouth that's gonna make me not want to kiss you."

He pulls back a little, looks at the startled expression on Jared's face, the flushed cheeks. "You..." Jared starts and stops. "Eat out, like... really?"

"Yeah, really," Jensen says and grins. He can feel Jared against him, thick and hard in his jeans, and he grinds their hips together.

"You're going to kill me," Jared stutters, tugging him closer by the neck.

"Hope not," Jensen mumbles against his lips, letting himself be dragged into a deep, eager kiss. Sliding his hands back under Jared's hoodie, he palms his warm back and lets himself get lost in Jared's mouth again.

He could do this forever, he thinks. And then, he realizes with an almost startling clarity, he _will_ do this forever.


End file.
